Yes, my totally awesome girlfriends, I am capitalizing on that famous book title to get you to read what I have to say about boyfriends and husbands, their shortcomings (oooooh–what metaphors surface in my sarcastic mind for that word) and our endless struggles as women dealing with them.
The subject matter is sex. In addition to shopping, eating sugar-laden desserts, and achieving your perfect weight, sex is right up there as one of the best perks on the planet.
Consider the following invasive questions:
1. Have you ever succumbed to having sex with your ex? Be honest.
a. Ummm, well, kinda. I’m not sure why…
b. Yep, and I’m proud of it.
c. Not me! I’m done with that bozo.
2. Have you ever had sex when you didn’t want to? For instance, right after you had your hair done and it looks fabulous, and you don’t want to mess it up.
a. Ummm, well, yeah. And I didn’t respect me in the morning.
b. Yes. But I made it a wham-bam-thank-you-man quickie.
c. No way. My hair is way more important.
3. Have you had sex during halftime on football Sunday? (You don’t have to admit to serving chips and beer afterwards.)
a. Ummm, well, maybe. If you count that one itsy-bitsy time I was angling for the new ipad.
b. Yes. And I got what I wanted in record time then went shopping with his credit card.
c. No way! He can fantasize about cheerleaders in his mancave.
4. Have you had sex on the first date with a man you only kinda liked? I mean, one that you had to have a few drinks to even kiss?
a. Ummm, well, okay. But I really didn’t mind the comb-over and beer belly in the dark.
b. Yep. But I left for home before the sun came up and cruelly revealed my folly.
c. No. I’d rather wield my trusty, discreet, online purchase.
5. Have you ever had sex with the hot latino landscaper sporting the six-pack abs? (Think “Desperate Housewives.”)
a. No, but I think about the cute UPS delivery guy when I’m having sex with my boring husband.
b. You bet I did. He’s not a landscaper cutting the grass, but he definitely trimmed my bush.
c. Nope. I don’t like sweaty men, but the abs are nice.
My point, dear girlfriends, is to do what YOU want to do. Okay, maybe the sweaty landscaper with six-pack abs is not your cup of tea, but there are men out there who will blow your skirt up.
Indulge, have fun, follow your bliss. This is YOUR life.
